January 2000

Brother Geoffrey Sackett, January 14, 2000
Yesterday, CT and I had a Ton- no, sorry, no Tonto; old habits are hard to break. Only Cabbage Patch Lady was to be seen on this cold, blustery morning. She was by herself, sitting indian-style on the east side of MacArthur Blvd, in front of a small, unassuming stip mall. A Potomac Video store and Starbucks were front and center. We could only guess that Tonto was picking up a hot cup of joe for his lady and "The Last of the Mohicans" for a cozy, fire-side movie viewing. [CPL's hair was a mess, almost Medussa-like. She needs a comb and a lice-job in a major way.] Anyway, enough commentary; on with the report. Although it wasn't raining, CPL had a Hefty cinch sack wrapped like a cape on her back. Perhaps Tonto had asked the rain gods what the weather was going to be like and gave CPL the plastic bag as a preventative measure. He never ceases to amaze me. Chris noticed cans had been placed deliberately around CPL as if to say, "If it rain, I get some." Ah, brothers, what a joyous occassion! It appears as though Tonto and CPL are shrewder then I had ever imagined.
By Tonto, for Tonto and through Tonto.

Brother Ben Sullivan, January 12, 2000
07:45 AM MacArthur & W St., NW. TACPAL seen heading West. That is all.

Brother Doru Zuba, January 11, 2000
I don't know, but it did rain yesterday.

Brother Christopher Thatch, January 11, 2000
Brethren -- At approximately 8:15 yesterday morning Rocket and I had a Tonto sighting. Tonto and his significant other, Mrs. Tonto, a.k.a. Cabbage Patch Lady, waiting patiently for the bus on MacArthur Blvd. They were outfitted w/matching Glad trash bags, assumingly for protection against the elements. Tonto, as usual, was wearing shorts, despite the cold. Cabbage Patch's hair was rather unkempt, possibly a result of the rain. Strangely, they actually occupied a different bus stop, one closer to Sibley Hospital. As I recall it was the stop located between Cathedral and Arizona. Who knows, maybe they don't travel long distances in the morning, but rather ride the bus up and down MacArthur to pass the time. Anyway, that's it. Nothing else to report. In all honesty, I must admit w/heavy heart that it was a relatively uneventful sighting. Too uneventful, in fact . . . Gentlemen, I may be bordering on heresy here, but are the TACPALS losing the love? Before yesterday I hadn't seen Tonto and his bride in almost a month, yet I barely flinched upon spotting them. We let them down on Thanksgiving and Christmas. No stickers, no t-shirts. No updates since mid-December! For the love of God, men, what's happening?!

Honorary Brother Randall Cooper, January 10, 2000
* originally written December 15th, 1999
I was hoping you or any of the TACPALS could shed some light on this, 'cuz I'm really confused. I was recently looking through my photos from my trip to Europe in 1996 and found this one (amsterdam.jpg). I was surprised to see something I hadn't before. Now, maybe I'm just being influenced by what I've seen on the TACPALS web site, but aren't the figures in the picture none other than that Tonto and Cabbage Patch Lady lady you keep talking about? But how could they have gotten to the Netherlands and back? Aren't they possessed of questionable means?
I shared this with Brad in Boston and he forwarded the photo to his friend, Roy, at MIT Research Labs who is working on a facial recognition algorithm. Apparently one use for it will be in a device used by police to verify identities and catch fraudulent driver's licenses. I don't begin to understand how it works but it does seem to. He sent back these images (subject_01.jpg and subject_02.jpg). Unfortunately, after viewing the sections enhanced by Roy, my befuddlement continues. Could you do me a favor and post this on your web site so that the Brotherhood might review this info?