May 2000

a one who names himself "count spektatulah", May 12, 2000
Subject: some advice
Date: Tue, 18 Apr 2000 14:30:03 EDT

Dear Sirs -

Who I am is not important at this juncture. I feel that my own personal theory regarding "tonto & the cabbage patch lady" is oddly remniscent of the early 90s tv show known as "Parker Loser Can't Lose". Furthermore, although I have not actually been a witness to the two mischevious characters, I have come to a conclusion that is the product of many hours of lugubrious analysis of some data found on your underground website.

In order to substantiate my own theory I must begin by discussing two pivotal points that led me to my conclusion:

1. Brother Geoffrey Sackett stated on October 26, 1999 that tanto is ". . .an undercover agent, assigned by the D.C. police department's special narcotics unit. . ." to stakeout the areas in which he occupies, mainly the beat of Dupont Circle, MacArthur Blvd, and other pertinent areas. Sackett later stated that "the cabbage- patch looking woman. . .is also an undercover agent. . " and that she ". . .carries a submachine gun under her overcoat. . .". Sackett then pointed out that her ". . .smiling face is purposely deceptive-- crack lords think she's a naive homeless woman. . ." when in actuality, she is a sly undercover government agent.

At the time of this documentation on the underground website, the source of a popular illegal club, the thesis was dismissed as inapplicable, and pure, unutterable tomfoolery. However, it was not until less than a moth later that I was able to make a valid connection, which brings me to the second event,

2. On December 15, 1999 Honorary Brother Randall Cooper delivered an inquiry to the lords of the clan. He brought some questionable pictures from his European trip from 1996 to the attention of the clan. He showed his now infamous picture that apparently created a great deal of dissention and controversy among the fraternal clan. Upon further discussion of his pictures, he mentioned that one of his colleages ". . . forwarded the photo to his friend. . .at MIT Research Labs who is working on facial recognition algorithm". The two resultant photo analyses on the website are clearly depictions of tonto and the cabbage- patch woman.

With this being said, I shall now elaborate upon my own personal theory. It is this: "Tonto & the cabbage- patch lady" have been relocated to Amsterdam. When the evidence is viewed, this is the only viable solution. By accepting the premise that both individuals are government agents that have been dispatched with the intent to monitor drug usage, what better place to do so than in Amsterdam.The drug captial of the world might be the victim of an international drug raid, headed up by the nefarious "tonto & cabbage patch lady".It is amazing to me that the United States would embark upon such a covert international operation, and that the TACPALS are the only other (dare i say?) agency, that is aware of their deeds.

After Cooper's message was posted on the website, there was a sharp decline in the number of sightings, perhaps because the feds were on to the TACPAL society. Because of this, I would also like to advise the brotherhood (of which I am not apart, but am merely offering my advice and counseling) to be very suspicious of one "Amanda Riecken". I feel that she might be a possible governmental plant in order to sabotage the deeds and interworkings the great TACPALS society that has been established.You all have worked very hard for what you have accomplished, and it could only be destroyed from within.

I find it very curious that the first thing that Riecken mentions in her letter, is an appeal for membership.She offers no advice or contributions to the group, other than an inquiry for membership.She even has the audacity to claim that she has ". . . some information on past sightings which could supplement your own worthy catalogue".She gives no supplement to this claim, which furhter diminished her credibility.In addition, the picture that she has attached is extremely questionable.It in no way reflects the previous pictures that have remained constant in the logo from your website, through Randall Cooper's Amsterdam pics, and even in the inconclusive pictures that have been posted.I feel that these "caricature- like" pictures are merely sources of government propaganda brought about to tear apart the undying unity that your group has established.

The only matter that I have left out is the notorious "G".The only advice I can offer you all comes from the distinguished "snoop doggy dogg", circa 1990 (or thereabouts), in which he and his partner in crime, Dr Dre., stated "It ain't nuthin but a G thing".This death row records release perfectly represents the situation of the man who is mentioned numerous times in the sightings.Either he in the replacement for the TACAPAL beat for the government, or he is, how do u say? ah yes, chilling. Either way, from what I have gathered, he lacks both the charisma as well as the personality that the beloved tonto and cabbage patch lady brought to the table.

In conclusion, I would simply like for the clan to look over my theory and ponder its relevance and validity.Good luck in all of your exploits.

A Concerned Observer:
Count Spektakulah