October

Brother Christopher Thatch, October 26, 1999
I once saw Tonto at a McDonald's in Rosslyn, Kid, so maybe you and Sluggie can catch him during lunch. Just don't look him in the eyes. He gets pissed.

Brother Doru Zuba, October 26, 1999
I see Tonto and his wife on the corner of 17th & I streets every couple of weeks. He's always screaming something into the sky, with his hands in the air. Has anyone ever seen him do this? I can never make out what he's sayin', but it always starts to rain.

Brother Geoffrey Sackett, October 26, 1999
My Tanto Theory (MTT):
I don't believe Tanto is really homeless. I think he is a government plant.
He is an undercover agent, assigned by the D.C. police department's special narcotics unit to walk -- or metro bus -- the beat of Dupont Circle, MacArthur Blvd., and parts unknown in Rosslyn. His so-called wife -- the cabage-patch looking woman -- is neither homeless or his wife. She is also an undercover agent. She carries a submachine gun under her overcoat. Her scrunched up, smiling face is purposely deceptive -- crack lords think she's a naive homeless woman, but she's really a secret agent, ready to mow them down at a moments notice. Tanto packs a Glock -- nothing too fancy, otherwise it would distract from his native-american-homeless-man-on-the-streets-of-D.C.-disguise.

Brother Christopher Thatch, October 26, 1999
Just thought I'd let you all know that Sackett and I had a Tonto sighting this morning. That's right, Tonto and his Cabbage-Patch-Kid-looking wife waiting for the bus on Macarthur Blvd. We spotted them just before 8:00 AM, maybe a quarter til. Tonto was wearing a grey sweatshirt and black pantyhose, his wife a down jacket w/hood and a pair of blue sweatpants. We did a drive by in order to get a better look and ended up face to face w/the couple, stopped at a red light just a few feet away. Needless to say, Tonto was not at all happy to see us. In fact, he was giving us the evil eye. Luckily no one was hurt. Well, represent for Trashburton today, boys, wherever you might be. And be on the look out for Tonto, our homeless Indian friend w/the bowl cut wig. Peace..

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